


I wanna hurry home to you

by emilia_kaisa



Series: advent challenge 2019 [16]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Decisions, Feelings, Hopeful Ending, Internal Conflict, M/M, Not Beta Read, Relationship Problems, Songfic, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21778057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: What he wanted, was to go back to his hotel room, pack his things and jump into the first plane to Madrid. That was what he should be doing, because that was the place he was supposed to be.Wasn't that what he had promised Javi, a few months before, when they agreed to do that, to try, to be together?
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: advent challenge 2019 [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559338
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	I wanna hurry home to you

**Author's Note:**

> Part 16th.!  
Song: 'Slow show' by The National  
(I feel like I could have done better with this amazing song but I hope it works too.)

_ Standing at the punch table, swallowing punch _

_ Can't pay attention to the sound of anyone _

_ A little more stupid, a little more scared _

_ Every minute, more unprepared _

Yuzuru flinched when someone laughed loudly right next to him, the sound drilling his brain, and he gritted his teeth, breathing deeply through his nose in an attempt to keep his composure. He was tired, and he wanted to go home, but he managed to keep on smiling politely, not showing anyone how tired and irritated he was with all of that.

He was so tired, after hours spent in the middle of the crowd that demanded his attention and words, always wanting more, looking at him with greedy eyes and smiles so wide it was making Yuzuru feel uneasy. He would rather be anywhere but there, he wanted to go back to the safe solitude of his room and rest, and also gather some strength to make some things right.

He flinched again, feeling his weak smile turning into a grimace, and he quickly hid his face behind the glass, taking a small sip of his drink, but his thoughts ran to that conversation he had had earlier that day, and his heart squeezed painfully as he recalled every word he said, regretting basically all of them.

_ I made a mistake in my life today _

_ Everything I love gets lost in the drawers _

_ I want to start over, I want to be winning _

_ Way out of sync from the beginning _

("You sound tired, are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's just a little bit late here. So, what about big plans for today?"

"You know I'm so not looking forward."

"You can always ditch it, you know?"

"I can't."

"You can, you just don't want to.")

Javi's tone hadn't been mean or judgmental, but Yuzuru felt slightly annoyed anyway, and he knew Javi could sense it, even on the other side of the world, huddled in his bed and probably half- asleep.

Yuzuru swallowed hard, raising his glass only to realize that it was empty, and he looked up, eyeing the bar on the other side of the room, debating with himself whether he should go for it or not. He wasn't too much of a drinker but even water would be fine, to save his dry throat and lips from hurting even more. But leaving his semi- safe corner would mean being exposed to all of those people, and he didn't want that.

What he wanted, was to go back to his hotel room, pack his things and jump into the first plane to Madrid. That was what he should be doing, because that was the place he was supposed to be.

Wasn't that what he had promised Javi, a few months before, when they agreed to do that, to try, to be together?

And yet Yuzuru was there, on yet another pointless party with people he didn't know, feeling lonely and awkward. He had never learned how to like these things, how to enjoy them, not feeling like a total outsider. And the thing was, Javi knew that Yuzuru didn't like that, didn't enjoy that, that he didn't feel like he had to keep on doing all of that, showing on banquets and photoshoots and doing all of that stuff he had been doing when he was still skating.

He had used to think that his life would change, after retiring, that he would be free to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

And yet, he was there, thousands of miles away, tired and awkward and terribly alone.

He wanted to go back to Spain.

He wanted to step on the middle of the room and yell that he was done.

He wanted everyone to know the truth.

He took a step forward, and another one, keeping his head down as he was slowly walking through the crowded room, pretending that he didn't hear people calling his name.

And then, he stopped abruptly, his heart growing and growing, beating fast and strong.

He was such a fool.

It wasn’t his world.

Yuzuru felt sick, his stomach churning and twisting, and he swallowed hard past bitterness in his throat as everything was turning crystal clear, his thoughts sharp and vivid.

“Is everything alr-”

“I need to go.” he said, barely looking at the man approaching him, probably someone mildly important, but Yuzuru wasn’t giving a damn, finally “Excuse me.”

Someone tried to talk to him, but Yuzuru didn’t listen, just kept on walking, passing everyone by until he was outside, on a dark and noisy street, and he breathed in deeply, trying to calm his raging heartbeat down. It took him a moment to realize that it was raining, warm, summer rain falling on his head and staining his suit, and he was still holding that empty glass in his hand, fingers wrapped around it tightly. He put it down on the nearest trash bin and started walking, vaguely remembering in which direction the closest metro station was. 

He walked, and walked, and there was only one thought ringing in his head.

_ I wanna hurry home to you _

_ Put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up _

_ So you can put a blue ribbon on my brain _

_ God, I'm very, very frightened, I'll overdo it _

“I’m sorry.” Yuzuru choked out, fingers wrapped tightly around his phone as he sat down on his hotel bed heavily. He was soaking wet, and his feet were hurting, but he wasn’t trembling because of cold. 

“Javi, I’m-”

“Yuzu, what’s going on? Are you oka-”

“I don’t want to be here.” Yuzuru said, forcing the words through his throat “I don’t know what I’m doing. I should be with you. I want to be with you.”

“Yuzu.” Javi said softly, his voice cracking somewhere on the other side of the world “Hey, what-”

“I love you.” Yuzuru said quietly “And I’m coming back home.”

A soft exhale, and five words full of love.

“I’ll wait here for you.”

_ You know I dreamed about you _

_ I missed you for, for twenty-nine years _

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Don't hesitate to let me know and thank you so much for reading!


End file.
